I have been in a fog recently. I can't quite explain it. My brain is stuffy. There are clouds behind my eyes. I move in slow motion.
I am usually lightning fast, sharp as a tac, and quick to focus.
I just don't care.
Which, again, is unlike me. I care too much about EVERYTHING. I overthink EVERYTHING. I sense DRAMA with each passing moment.
It's just that, now, I don't.
Here's where perception comes in, because I have two thoughts on the matter -
Thought the first: OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, I'M DYING! SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG!
Thought the second: Is this what it feels like to let the small stuff go?
I then have sub-thoughts.
Sub-thought the first for thought the first: CRAP! What will this do to Ethan's fragile psyche?
Sub-thought the first for thought the second: If ambivelence is the opposite of worry, I'm not sure I consider that a step in the right direction.
Sub-thought the second for thought the second: When you worry about the things you can change and stop worrying about the things you can't, doesn't that leave you at a disadvantage once the things that you can't change become things you really could have changed if you'd thought about it?
Then, I have a final thought on the subject:
Final thought: Eh.
Eh, exactly. Take it from a mother whose children are grown: Eh.
ReplyDelete